When he has gone around the apartment, and Veronika is not visible, he goes to his bed again.
He crawls down under the blanket and continues to ponder.
And now he is surprised that he does not actually care, that Veronika is not home. And he shits in where she is and when she plans to come home.
Whether she is at home or not makes no direct difference. She usually lies alone in her bed and sleeps.
More and more, all her life is starting to go into getting money for alcohol and drugs.
On several occasions, she has sold her body for money to several clients besides those she buys the drug from.
But if she now collects money, why is there rarely any food at home?
Food is available, but only occasionally. And usually, there is no food in more orderly forms. Veronika sometimes gets a minor whim and goes to the store and buys food. Otherwise, it will be just eating of what is there, and trying to settle for it.
9 Still Alive
Perhaps it is surprising that Veronika is still alive, three years after Arvid’s departure. Maybe she has tried and done her best in the last, but that something dragged her down again.
But from day one, she should have received professional help in processing her grief and become more guided forward on her new path as sole custodian.
Furthermore, she could have received help and guidance in seizing the opportunities that she and Måns have had. That she was able, fully, to receive support and comfort in having him.
But Veronika has not gone to any psychologist. She has only been to different doctors. Most to get prescriptions for various antidepressants. And sleeping pills.
It’s like she’s left in shock over his passing. And the grief with all the sadness he leaves behind, this huge, black cloud, is with her all the time. She won’t get through this. Not by her own machine.
Possibly, the alcohol and tablets, at first, have helped her to turn off, get rest out and away from everything. Though the painful, who tortures her mentally every minute of the day, comes all the time when the intoxication of the alcohol and drugs slowly creeps out of her body.
It all soon becomes an addiction that makes her always want to be high and influenced. Or more fades away.
Maybe it is that she really died that day with Arvid? And all that remained was a dark, gloomy and hopelessly lost soul – which became more of a scourge. Living Dead.
Another thing that also burdens her, like a scab, is this with the conflict with the family. They are more or less sneaky racists all. It may also have helped drag her down.
She obviously loves Måns. But now it is increasingly her problem with trying to deal with, turning off all grief, which becomes most important.
She should have taken better care of him with great care, love, and pride. Maybe forced to accept that Arvid is gone and with that tried to give herself the chance to find a new man, who could become a new dad to Måns.
No, life is not over just because a loved one has passed away. Anyone who loses someone needs to one day grab hold of themselves and their life and try to find a way forward again. No matter how bad it is and feels, you must not let go.
People, whatever, disappear at some point. Some are far too early, and others are fortunate enough to remain there for a long time.
And Måns ... He has also had great grief over Arvid’s passing. But he somehow has it all, the power within him, and goes through it on his own. But he still misses Arvid a lot. And everything around it ... it’s the way it is. There is nothing anyone can influence or try to change.
And this yesterday he thought he was going to throw himself in front of a train. It was no big deal, and completely conscious of him. He is not usually the least suicidal of himself. It was just that he became so sad yesterday. And that Emma ends up making it feel like someone is pulling the rug away for him.
But unless Rony showed up there ... Then, with great certainty, a disaster, tragedy had befallen the little, desperate fifteen-year-old.
He who barely had anything, loses everything, but just as quickly wins everything back in the friendship with Rony.
But when it comes to Veronika, he doesn’t understand her anymore. She has become so different. And it all starts well, as I said, after Arvid goes away. She can’t handle her grief. And there is no other safety net around her. Besides Måns. Her family, siblings, relatives, friends – are, as I said, pure shit. And now she’s probably become one of them – though in her own way.
And during the day, or more from morning to evening, she sleeps and lies almost in a coma in bed.
She no longer cares about him. And he’s just adopted.
It seems that she has given up on what was once something dear, which she loved. Arvid’s and her little Måns. And as I said – maybe she doesn’t love him anymore, the same way she did before. He’s just something ...
Part 2 Another Betrayal
10 The Money Is Gone
Måns, at home
Måns tries to rub the sleep away from his eyes and quickly plans his day.
It’s Saturday, and he’ll be cycling to the stable. He should try to take care of any horse, lesson horse, or private horse. And he wants to be in the stable with the horses until the evening. What else should he do?
Were it not for the stable and the horses, he would have no life at all. Yes, he might as well wait for that train again.
He should also write a letter to the man and attach it to the stones. He will do this on his way to the stable. And at seven in the evening, he will ride to the stones. Maybe the man will get there too. Then they can talk about something. The man might be able to tell him something more fun, interesting, or exciting from his life.
The trick now is that he misses him very much, already. And he longs for the very next time they will be seen again.
He gets out of bed, puts on comfortable clothes.
He skips breakfast. He can stop by the sausage grill below the riding school and eat a burger for breakfast.
Before leaving, he sits down at the desk and writes a message to the man.
He thanks for everything and says that he is doing very well now that the two have met. Also says he is going to the stable. And on Monday evening at eight o’clock, he has a free riding lesson. They will stay in the riding house. And he should ride his favorite horse Valter. He has previously won a jumping competition on him. Valter is large and strong, almost black. And he is very kind, confident, and reliable.
He ends the message with a million hugs.
In the hall, he puts on an older jacket.
And when he has to transfer the money from his everyday jacket, they are not there. He feels in every pocket. But no money.
He goes back to the bedroom and checks the pockets in the pants he was wearing yesterday.
He also checks the desk. The desk drawers, the floor.
But no money. They are gone.
And in the living room. The sofa and the coffee table.
He drops to the toilet seat.
And the cry is coming.
Someone has taken his money. Over five thousand kronor.
No one has been near him, except the man who has given him the money. No, he couldn’t possibly have taken them. Take them back. And dropped them on the road when he cycled, he has not done that. But he may have dropped them in the stable.
When he realizes that it must be Veronika who has taken his money, he gets a shock.
And even more tears will come.
Money for alcohol and drugs, of course.
And in the next second, he thinks about whether he should look in the pantry in the kitchen, after a piece of bread, crispbread or the like.
But now he is beginning to feel ill. He probably needs vomit. There is a strong anxiety coming over him.
He gets up quickly, lifts up the toilet seat cover, and is about to vomit. But nothing comes.
He gets dizziness, sweats, and lies down on the floor.
The idea that his money has now gone to alcohol and drugs makes him despair.
How can Veronika…?
He feels: if there was anything left of love and feelings between them at all, then it has collapsed like a house of cards now. He also thinks that in the next step, she might steal his cellphone and sell it. And the earbuds, the bike – to get money for alcohol and drugs.